When a dna test unites family members, not everyone is happy about it – philly database website template

Through some online detective work, hasberry found seven probable siblings. She sent two of them DNA test kits that proved they were closely related.

“my cousin and I went to a big family reunion and met six of my seven siblings,” said hasberry, now 47 and living in san antonio, texas. “the reaction was amazing.”

The same DNA tests that tell you (with varying accuracy) whether your ancestors were greek or norwegian, and whether you have a high risk of breast cancer or heart disease, also has the capacity to turn your family upside down.

Here’s how it works: for less than $100, you order a home test kit from one of several genealogy companies, and collect your own DNA by rubbing a swab inside your cheek or spitting into a tube.Birth mother you send back your sample and your results are compared with those of everyone else in that database.

Depending on how much DNA you share with any given person in the database – more than seven million samples in ancestry.Com alone — they estimate a possible relationship.

The 23andme DNA relatives tool estimates possible genealogical relationships by comparing your autosomal DNA (chromosomes 1-22) and X chromosome(s) with that of other members who are also using the DNA relatives feature.

By logging into your private account, you can see all your matches, and if you and those matches agree, you can contact one another. Or you can opt out.

“anyone who uses our DNA service can decide whether to share identifying information with other members or even decide if they want their information deleted,” said eric heath, chief privacy officer at ancestry.Com.Birth mother

Yet even if details aren’t shared, it’s possible to find out simply that there is a match out there somewhere. As ancestry warns on its website: “you may discover unanticipated facts about yourself or your family when using our services. While we strive to give you control as you use the services, once discoveries are made, we can’t undo it.”

Sources such as social media and online searches can help locate biological relatives who may not want to be found. For example, obituaries are often a source of finding family members of the deceased who might then be contacted through facebook.

This fact could prove startling to people such as hasberry’s birth mother, and also to sperm or egg donors who never thought they’d meet the outcome of their donation.Biological relatives

“the notion that an interested child would not be able to find you may be completely obsolete,” said william schlaff, professor and chairman of the department of obstetrics and gynecology at thomas jefferson university. “and egg freezing is open to the same kind of analysis. For people who know about social media and these kinds of detective adventures online, it’s not very hard to figure this out or narrow it down. And it’s going to get easier over time.”

“folks are very willing to share on facebook and social media outlets things that I would never tell people,” he added. “there are now sites and organizations that will help run these things down.”

biological relatives

Every day, the donor sibling registry, based in boulder, co., matches several people who are searching for biological relatives. “it’s an innate human desire to want to know where we come from,” said wendy kramer, DSR director. “it’s about your identity, ancestry and medical background.”

People born in the 1980s and forward – that’s when sperm banks were created – usually know the sperm bank their mother used and have a donor number. For example, you can go to the DSR and do a search for all the california cryobank donors to see whether there were any kids already posted for donor X. You can add your own posting and make yourself available for contact.Social media

“if there were already people posted for that donor number, bingo, you’re a match,” said kramer. “they get notified you’re a match, you’re in touch, you can send photos, medical information and messages.”

“my ex-husband had some infertility issues so we went the route of using an anonymous sperm donor and that was back in 1989 when there was only anonymity,” recalled his mother. Born in 1990, ryan was raised by his mother after his parents split up the next year.

“it was terrifying for me because my son was so vulnerable and his heart was so wide open,” wendy kramer recalled. “his father had signed up for anonymity, which we respected.”

But after ryan contacted him, he “got two grandparents out of the deal and an amazing friendship with his biological father.Biological relatives we are all family,” she said.

Though hasberry found her biological siblings, and is enjoying getting to know them, her birth mother still refuses see her. Even the intervention of a brother who was raised by their mother didn’t help.

“my brother told my mom that I found him but she tried to deny it at first,” said hasberry. “then he told her he took the DNA test and she couldn’t deny it. Then she basically shut down and said she didn’t want to talk about it.”

Philly.Com comments are intended to be civil, friendly conversations. Please treat other participants with respect and in a way that you would want to be treated. You are responsible for what you say.Birth mother and please, stay on topic. If you see an objectionable post, please report it to us using the "report abuse" option.

Please note that comments are monitored by philly.Com staff. We reserve the right at all times to remove any information or materials that are unlawful, threatening, abusive, libelous, defamatory, obscene, vulgar, pornographic, profane, indecent or otherwise objectionable. Personal attacks, especially on other participants, are not permitted. We reserve the right to permanently block any user who violates these terms and conditions.